The Metro-North trains are usually jammed packed at rush hour with working stiffs like me. So, if you are not normally riding with us, perhaps in town from a different country, here are a few tips to help our time together be more pleasent.
1. If you are going to eat, choose a dish with a mild smell. Curries, Chinese food or fish are bad choices.
2. Offering food to your travel mates across other people is frowned upon especially if it is a food that drips like a wet pickle or a falafel.
3. Don’t make phone calls on your cell you then pass around. It’s bad enough you’re on your cell. Now, three people are on your cell.
4. Buy the right ticket. You’ve ridden a train before right? You wouldn’t get on a Ferris wheel without paying the correct amount, why is this ride any different. The MTA is happy to take your money on board but come on, there are only like 20 machines are half-a-dozen windows at Grand Central.
5. Know where your going. You can’t get to White Plains, New Haven, Philly, DC, etc. on my train. Or, Tarrytown and Ossining. You somehow by the grace of God made it to New York, you can probably develop a plan to move from the Grand Central Hyatt into the wilderness that is the Hudson Valley.
6. Leave your selfie stick at home. This is New York, someone may beat you with it if you use it.
7. Don’t sit in the middle of the three seater and try to have a conversation with your friend three seats in front of you. Remember that selfie stick, it may get used again
8. Do not discuss loudly or really at any volume hot button issues with friends. If we cared what you thought you wouldn’t be heading north with every worldly possession you own in a backpack destined for the Appalachian Trail to “find yourself” among nature’s wonder. My only wonder is why you are still talking.
9. Please use your headphones. No one wants to hear your favorite Nelly song or the audio of your mom’s Yorkie reciting the Periodic Table of Elements. Your dog is just barking. He did not just say Boron.